Ok so I´m starting to think that this blog thing is pretty much evidence of all that I am, that is, not that constant in anything I do. Even though writing has become the one thing I actually feel passionate about I somehow manage to push it back in my priority list and then I end up posting once every three months… I promise I have a little notebook filled with thoughts and things to put in here, but I have to face it, sometimes I’m just too lazy. Nevertheless, my laziness is not my topic for today.
Today I want to talk about the notion that some people, perhaps most people, have that there is one person meant for you in this world, or in this lifetime. I must admit, I used to be one of these people. I used to think that there was one man totally designed for me, waiting somewhere, somehow connecting with me through an invisible cord. This cord would every day become shorter and shorter and then someday it would be short enough for us to finally meet and feel instant bliss and comfort in knowing that we finally found each other. Yes, I did believe in this, I do not want to say that this made me an idiot because there might be people out there who feel the same way and I do not want to insult or hurt anyone as I have done in previous posts (sorry LiamL). But I do feel like I was somehow misguided once again by all the movies and stories that ruined me. I thought of this because today I was listening to a song, a very cheesy, romantic, over-the-top ballad that instantly made me think of that person I once thought was “the one” for me.
What is it about music that it is somehow able to transport us to old places, old feelings, and old situations? I mean sometimes it´s cool cause we remember amazing moments, but honestly most times it just takes us back to that which we would much rather forget. And so there I was, listening to “A thousand years” (the theme song of Breaking Dawn, no less), which pretty much says “I´ve loved you for a Thousand years and I´ll love you for a thousand more”… Ok, let me just short-story it… There is this guy who I believed was “the one”, he is that complicated guy that I pretty much knew I was never going to be able to get. A frustrated intellectual, a philosopher unaware that he was one, a guy whose mere voice would make me melt instantly, but who, of course, never felt quite the same way about me. We had our little story, amazing enough that it lasted me forever, it ended quite quickly because of circumstances, and then maybe once a year we would reconnect and it would all be like it never ended. I lived for those moments, I had other relationships in between these encounters, but I used to believe that we were soul mates; I made my mind believe that someday we would realize that it was the right time, and be together forever. In the mean time, the guys I met I would compare to him, they did not talk the way he did, they did not inspire me with their words like he did, they did not make my heart stop quite that way, so they were not for me. BIG MISTAKE! I might have missed up on amazing things because of that, but I try never to regret anything I do, because all my actions have led me here, and I like it here. However, I now think of it more like an addition. You know how I said that people are addicted to drama? Well maybe this is quite an example for that. I loved feeling the anguish, the despair, the excitement of seeing him again, the wondering of WHAT IF, the idea and agony of unrequited love. The drama of it all... I even discovered that there was such a thing as unselfish love, I was willing to be happy for him should he find a woman that made him happy. I believed this with all my heart, I still do actually, and I do think that that’s the ultimate level of love, the one where you just let them free and are ok by them just being who they are. But I digress.
This man was my own personal kind of crack, and I just recently had my last fix. Yes, after one year and a half (the amount of time I spend in Spain) I went back home, thinking I was totally over this whole stupid idea of the one, and that it was mostly a fixation of my mind and something I would hold on to, just to feel something that big. And so we arranged a little get together… As soon as I realized this was going to happen for real, my heart began to beat faster than I can explain, and then I was thinking WTF Gaby, relax, you know it’s no big deal… And so I take my car and I drive to meet him, palms sweating, heart attack coming… And then I get there, stayed in my car a good 20 minutes, trying to calm myself. I mean, the physical reactions to these sorts of things are QUITE FASCINATING aren’t they? I never quite understood them, what is it that makes our body react this way? Anyways, I finally get down and walk towards him, I act breezy and aloof, like my legs are not trembling at all, we hug it out, I feel like I’m about to run out of air, and he is charming as ever… nothing has changed, and then reality hits me in the face with a brick… It will never change, and I think that is what I have loved about it all along, the steadiness of it all, the difficulty, the challenge, the physical reactions… Deep inside I have always known, if we were together we would probably end up hating each other… So it works this way… So he was never “the one” he was the one I loved to love; which brings me to my point… There IS NO “ONE”! There are many “ONES”. There is the one we will always love to love no matter what, there is the one we will never forget, there is the first love and the first kiss, there is the one that we will fall head over hills for only to break up in three years, there is the one we will fall in love with and marry, there is the one who will be the father of our children, there is the one who we thought we fell for but then turned out to be our best friend, or the one friend that became one of the souls compatible to ours. Because there is not ONE soul mate, there are thousands of souls out there who are more than capable of making us happy, we just need to STOP idealizing people, stop having impossibly high expectations and let people in and just enjoy life, enjoy the NOW. I mean life is hard enough to then add up to it by being obnoxious and thinking there is one human being for us in this planet and we have to find it! That’s just too stressful I think, just get out there, fall as many times as you need to until you finally find the one person that makes you happy, the person that can witness your life and whose life will inspire you. There not much else to it…
I am 30 and I am single, and I love it, cause I know that there is not “one” person for me, there are many amazing people out there, friends to be made, interesting human beings that will inspire me, crazy people that will make me laugh, and that’s what excites me most about life, the endless amount of possibilities… And for that one person that used to be my fictional soul mate, but who still makes my hands shake uncontrollably, thank you for giving me these reactions, thank you for making it interesting and fun… And for all of you, who are reading, appreciate the “ones” that have come and gone, because everybody leaves us something, to grow, to learn, to love… and appreciate the “one” you have, because all we have is NOW! Love as if tomorrow doesn’t exist, show your love TODAY, do not leave it for another day, and do not keep waiting for right times, or other “ONES”…. That’s how I feel anyways, and I´m just putting it out there, like everything else… All my love to those who agree, and much more love to those who don’t…
G
