These days I am a little tired of thinking and talking about human relations, I mean, the fact that I keep messing up my own relationships is an indication that I do not know a whole lot about the topic. So instead of going on and on about men and women and their interactions, I would like to write about another type of association, the one I have with alcohol. Yes, alcohol, as in alcoholic beverages, as in beverages that have ethanol in them, as in beverages that have had an important impact and influence in my life. In fact, I do not like to generalize, but I in this case I am willing to take a risk and say that most people have found that alcohol has influenced them in some way or another. In my case, I must say, it has been sort of defining. I mean do not get me wrong, I am not an alcoholic, but I recently discovered an awful truth: That I was kind of “dependent” on alcohol when it came to social activities. I mean it is what I have always known, you go out, you have a drink, or two, or three, you have fun, you are more sociable in weird surroundings etc… and I had it under control… I mean of course there were a few nights when I had one too many, but mostly I knew when to stop. Now everything has changed.
I will try to make a long story short. I had this surgery done last year (I will go more into that some other time)… let’s just say that after this procedure I was not allowed to drink alcohol for two months, and if and when I started drinking again my tolerance to it would be diminished. During these two months of abstinence I learned things I never knew, I WAS BORING AND EASILY BORED… I wasn’t as talkative, I wasn’t as interested, and I wanted to go home sooner… Alcohol does it all, it makes people interesting, it turns silly conversations into life changing epiphanies, it makes people attractive, it blinds you, and it can also kill you. Alcohol is a social uninhibiter, you become braver, you have the courage to do things you would have never done sober, but this does not mean that these things you are brave enough to do are good things. My problem was not the fact that I could not drink, my problem came when I started drinking again. As I said before, my tolerance was diminished, three glasses of wine and I would be dead drunk with no possibility of controlling myself or my actions. That fun stage that you are in after a few drinks and before being drunk did not exist for me anymore. I went from sober to drunk in one zip. And let me tell you, I MADE A HUGE ASS OF MYSELF IN THE PROCESS. So now alcohol was poison for me, it’s like a whole other person possessed me and I was Gaby no more, but this idiotic 30 year old who behaved like a 15 year old. I will just mention three stupid things I did (I am humiliating myself enough by confessing my alcohol issues):
1. Gave my phone number (with a “call me” written besides it) to a complete stranger while my father was sitting right next to me (I do not know which part was worse, that it was a stranger or that my father saw that).
2. Got on the stage of a bar, and decided I was one of the dancers, and started dancing like an idiot in front of normal people who were just expecting a nice dinner and a show night and did not deserve to see that.
3. Decided that it was an amazing idea to “drunk text” and started texting people telling them my true feelings, for instance, if I hated you, I would text exactly that… and so on and so forth…
2. Got on the stage of a bar, and decided I was one of the dancers, and started dancing like an idiot in front of normal people who were just expecting a nice dinner and a show night and did not deserve to see that.
3. Decided that it was an amazing idea to “drunk text” and started texting people telling them my true feelings, for instance, if I hated you, I would text exactly that… and so on and so forth…
All of these things happened on three separate nights… Three times I have had that extra zip that has led me to my downfall. And let me tell you, I have thought about leaving alcohol for good. But can I? I do not know… I have found that it is difficult for me to interact socially without it. These days people even get offended if you say “oh nothing for me, I’m not drinking tonight”. Even during business lunches and things like that people drink. What about dates? Yes, dates, that glass of wine that relaxes you enough in order to start being yourself and not be so nervous. I am used to all of that, I was used to functioning perfectly without making a fool of myself but now I just can’t find the proper amount, the proper solution. Could it be? Could I go on without it? Could my social life survive the absence of my once constant and now dangerous friend? I honestly have no idea, I prefer to believe that I don’t need to, I will continue to experiment on proper dosage and for this I have recruited a fine selection of friends who are obliged to tie me up should I become a danger to my reputation and my principles, or if I mention stupid ideas such as: “hey how fun would it be to get up on that stage and dance while ruining everyone´s night!?” … I hope that works out, I do have the most amazing friends that are willing to take care of me… but what if THEY get drunk? Ugh this whole thing is giving me a headache, I think I need a drink…kidding… (or not?)
Anyways, I just wanted to share this problem I have been having. When you are used to living one way and suddenly the game changes it is always hard to adjust, to adapt. And when it comes to alcohol everything is even harder because if consumed carelessly awful things can happen. Needless to say, I do not drink and drive, NONE OF US SHOULD! That is, in my opinion, the stupidest most dangerous thing to do, so do not fear that this will ever happen to me. On the three nights I got completely brain dead from alcohol my car was at home where it should always be if I know I will be drinking. So let`s hope I can figure this whole thing out, I do not want to break up with alcohol, we have had our ups and downs, but I love it too much to let it go so easy. However, should it continue to be this rebellious inside my body, I will have to say goodbye for good. I will tell you how this whole thing turns out… In the meantime let me finish with a few questions: Have you stopped and considered the influence alcohol has in your life? Have you ever ruined other people`s night because you were too drunk? Have you ever noticed how alcohol gives you confidence and courage but at the same time it can make you the most idiotic human being in the world? Think about it, I never used to until now… and I have found that it has led me to some sort of self-discovery and into a reassessment of who I really am and what I am lacking in terms of my social life… Someday I will have everything figured out, until then I guess I will just keep bothering all of you with my issues…
